Killing Love by Rebecca Poulson

Author:Rebecca Poulson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Australia

Chapter 24

In November 2003 I trekked out to see my counsellor at Concord. I leaned back in the now-familiar chair in her office. The Victims of Crime Bureau had kindly provided me with five free counselling sessions, which I was finding to be of enormous help. I had tracked down Mary after a horrendous session with another counsellor had sent me into a foetal position for hours afterwards. Even though I didn’t know much about counselling, I knew that was an inappropriate response. The counsellor had boasted of her work with Vietnam vets, but her questions were too blunt for me, and at that stage I could only interpret them as cruel. Some time later I learnt she had only been qualified a matter of months, and the work she’d spoken about was part of her internship under a supervisor. She had since settled into the centre of corporate Sydney, probably expecting stressed executives juggling work–life commitments, and instead I walked in the door. I couldn’t but feel she caused me damage despite her psychologist’s degree – just as much damage as the alternative healer who told me my story wasn’t so bad, just let me tell you mine, and she did, a horror tale of child rape and violence that had me stumbling from her office feeling sick.

‘So do you ever feel this isn’t fair?’ asked Mary.

I stopped and pondered the question carefully.

‘No,’ I said.

‘Do you think, “Why me?”’

‘No, that question never crossed my mind.’ I paused. ‘Should it have?’ I wondered if I had missed a vital step in the grieving process.

Mary tried not to look too surprised. ‘No, it’s just what most people would probably wonder.’

‘But why not me?’ I asked. ‘People have dreadful things happening to them every day. Why would I be exempt?’

‘Okay,’ Mary said. ‘That’s absolutely right. It’s amazing that you think like that already, so quickly.’

‘I didn’t ever not think like that, if that makes sense,’ I said, not quite understanding. ‘The world isn’t a fair place, there is no natural justice, no one is in the sky rewarding people who do good things. I’m not being pessimistic, I just don’t feel bitter about that, it’s just the way it is. To feel singled out and rail at some amorphous non-existent being or put it down to karma is about as much use as shouting at a snail.’

‘Right, okay,’ said Mary, smiling at me. ‘We’ll just skip over that. Tell me, how are you going?’

‘I feel weird,’ I told her. ‘I’m here because of Dad, Malee and Bas, yet I seem to be only talking of boy troubles. What am I – a teenager?’ I smiled wryly at her.

‘I don’t understand.’ Mary looked at me intently.

‘I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about Charlie. And David,’ I said. ‘Over and over. I’m boring even myself. I think about how great David has been, how giving and supportive. And then I obsess over Charlie, I can’t stop thinking about him, what it would be like to kiss him.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.